Match Game Episode 5 AKA Everybody Hates Kevin Nealon And By Everybody I Mean Martin Short

After another great episode last week, it was time for the next episode of Match Game! I was looking forward to this one, as it saw the return of even more favorites from the Alec Baldwin version, two celebrities who had already been great on a previous episode, and one celebrity who seemed like a welcome addition to the show. Before I get into the episode, I am going to say who the celebrity panelists were, as well as their claim to fame.

Joel McHale - actor and comedian known for starring in Community and Animal Control and for hosting a variety of game shows.

Amy Sedaris - actress, comedian, and writer known for starring in Strangers With Candy, The Mandalorian, and At Home with Amy Sedaris.

Lamorne Morris - actor and comedian known for starring in New Girl.

Annie Murphy - actress known for playing Alexis in Schitt’s Creek.

Kevin Nealon - actor and comedian known for being on Saturday Night Live.

Ziwe - comedian and writer known for hosting her own YouTube interview series.

This is also the only episode of the entire season to have the celebrities seated in the traditional order. I have no idea why they chose to change the seating arrangement for much of the season and chose to do the usual arrangement for this one episode, but it doesn’t matter. 

The episode started off funny, as Martin Short said that he knew he wasn’t ABC’s first choice for a host that evening, but it didn’t really bother him because Honey Boo Boo is such a different type. 

He then started talking to Joel McHale, and asked him out of all the shows he had appeared on, which one was closer to filling the void inside of him. Joel then responded by saying “How dare you, Alec,” which is something that I am surprised they chose to leave in. Martin then had to clarify that he was “Marty,” to which Joel called him by that name, to which Martin responded back saying that it was “Martin” to him.

He then told Amy Sedaris that she was a comedic legend, as she starred in Elf, Chicken Little, and Puss in Boots, which were also three of his nicknames in High School. 

He then told Lamorne Morris that he was so great on New Girl, and just like America, he was always that close to watching it, to which Lamorne responded that he was born in the 80s, so he wasn’t familiar with any of Martin’s work either. 

He then introduced Annie Murphy as a Canadian icon, and then also said that he loves a person’s philosophy when he finds out about it, as he then asked her why she is so big on first cousins marrying, to which she responded that “Love is love.” Martin then responded that by saying that she was an open gal and then said “Speaking of open gals, Kevin Nealon is with us.”

He then asked Kevin Nealon why he dressed up for television, saying that he was painting his room, he finished the ceiling, and said “It’s time for TV,” before also asking him how that works. Kevin then responded that he thought he was doing alright for himself, as he got on the game show. Martin then said that he hated when people call Kevin dull, which they do, and then he said that Kevin’s avatar is tumbleweed, which prompted Kevin to show that he had written “_______ You” on a card, and you can probably guess what it was that he wrote.

He then asked Ziwe what she meant backstage when she said that safe sex was so 1978, to which she responded that she was very horny for game shows. 

From there, it was time to meet the contestants, and they both had a lot of energy, which prompted Lamorne to say that they didn’t look healthy mentally. 

The first contestant we were introduced to was Linda, who had so much energy that Martin said to her that whatever prescription she was on, he wanted to be on it, because he had seen excitement, but what she was showing was more like a seizure. Linda then told the story of how she met her husband, which was that she had tried everything, such as online dating and speed dating, and even played a victim for a firefighters training program, and she ended up meeting her husband the old fashioned way, which was through a friend. 

We were then introduced to Jonathan, who works as a sales analyst for a furniture company, meaning he does the boring job of crunching numbers on the back end so you feel like you’re getting value, but he’s also making money. Martin then commented that he also had tremendous energy, and asked him where he got it from, to which he responded “Whatever Linda’s on.” 

From there, it was time for the game to start and Jonathan’s first question. 

The question was “Did you hear? Captain Morgan got his pilot’s license. Oy! But he’s not allowed to board a plane with his ___________.” To answer your question, yes, that “Oy” was actually part of the question, but I couldn’t tell you why even if I tried. From there, me and my parents came up with two answers, which were “Sword” and “Rum.” As the celebrities were writing down their answers, Ziwe locked her answer in, which Martin quickly pointed out, to which she responded that she wasn’t and that it was “fake.” He also asked Kevin if he was with them or if he was having one of his stupors again, to which Kevin responded that he had some sagebrush rolling through. Joel then said that he was ready and his answer was locked in, to which Martin asked him why was his light not on, to which Joel responded back that he didn’t have to do that, to which Martin responded back saying that he did have to do that. 


After all the celebrities had locked in their answers, Jonathan gave his answer, which was “Sword.” 

As Martin started asking the celebrities for their answers, Joel provided us with another funny moment, where he said “What’s the Password,” referring to the game show Password. 

After that, five out of the six celebrities revealed that they wrote “Rum,” with Lamorne being the only one to have written “Sword,” or as he worded it, “Thick Sword.” 

Annie also revealed that she learned a lesson in not succumbing to peer pressure, as she had written down “Sword,” but crossed it out at the advice of Kevin and wrote down “Rum, OK?”

This meant that Jonathan had one point, and from there, it was time for Linda’s first question.

Her question was “Have you seen Kevin Nealon’s star on the Walk of Fame? They wouldn’t give him an official one, so he just wrote the word ‘Nealon’ on Kevin __________’s star.” From there, I thought of several famous Kevins, like Kevin Hart, Kevin Costner, and Kevin Bacon. During the time when the celebrities were writing down their answers, Kevin asked Martin not to read the question again, even though he had to, and he also said that he was going through eight different Kevins.

After all the celebrities had locked in their answers, Martin went over to Joel to ask for his answer, before realizing that he still had to ask Linda for her answer. 

Linda then gave her answer, which was “Hart,” which matched with all three celebrities on the top row. 

Annie then revealed that she wrote “Bacon.” 

Then Martin got to Kevin Nealon himself, and I couldn’t have predicted what was going to happen even if I tried. 

When Martin asked Kevin for his answer, he said that he threw it away, which prompted Martin to say that he didn’t, and Kevin then held up a blank card. This prompted Martin to ask him what happened to him, to which Kevin explained that he thought it was wrong, so he threw it away, and forgot about it afterwards. This prompted Martin to tell Kevin that in the history of game shows, he was the worst celebrity guest ever. 

Kevin then revealed that what he had written was “Costner.”

Ziwe then revealed that she wrote “Bacon.”

This meant that by the end of Round 1, Jonathan had one point and Linda had three points. 

After that, it was time for Round 2, which meant that it was time for Linda’s second question where she could match the remaining three panelists.

Her question was “There’s an app with nothing but videos of private eyes. It’s called DickTok. It’s not X-rated, but you can see many detectives comparing the size of their _____________s.” After I heard this question, I couldn’t think of an answer. Pun absolutely intended, I drew a blank. Some funny moments happened during the time the answers were being written, which were Martin saying that Kevin’s brain was fried a long time ago, Joel asking Martin to repeat the question even though he wasn’t playing in that round, as his voice was a “velvety fog that he loved hearing,” and when he started reading the question again, Kevin asked him what the app was called immediately after he had said its name, prompting Martin to fake heart attack symptoms. 

After all the celebrities had locked in their answers, Linda gave her answer, which was “Raincoats,” which I do not understand, but then again, I didn’t understand the question, so maybe it was a good answer. 

All three panelists then revealed that they wrote “Eyes,” because “Private Eyes,” which I guess makes sense. 

This meant that Linda did not score any more points, and Jonathan now needed to score two more points to tie and three more to win.

His question was “The new pope is staying true to his Chicago roots. During mass, instead of wafers, he’s handing out _____________.” From there, I was pretty confident that the answer was “Deep Dish Pizza.” Kevin then gave us another funny moment, as after Martin repeated the question, he asked him what he was handing out, to which Martin responded that he had to write it down. Some more funny moments at this time included Joel saying “Raincoats,” Lamorne threatening to leave because he couldn’t play in this round, and Martin telling him to stay and have a drink, which he did, and Martin then had a taste, which prompted Lamorne to say that he was going to sell the glass for $1,000 because Martin put his mouth on it. 

After the celebrities had locked in their answers, Jonathan gave his answer, which was “Deep Dish Pizza.” 

Joel started off by saying to Martin, “Listen, Steve Harvey,” before revealing that he wrote “Hot Dogs.”

Amy then revealed that she wrote “Hot Dogs.”

Annie then revealed that she also wrote “Hot Dogs,” to which Martin responded that he was missing something, as he had never had a Chicago Hot Dog. 

Kevin then revealed that he wrote “Deep Dish Pizza.” 

Ziwe then revealed that she also wrote “Deep Dish Pizza,” tying up the scores and forcing them to go to a Tiebreaker. 

The way the Tiebreaker used to work was that the contestants would get one more question each, and it would play out like the regular game. Then, if I had to guess, after a Tiebreaker where they had to get an extra question because neither contestant scored a single point after both Tiebreaker questions, they switched it to a format similar to Super Match, where the contestants had to write down a word that comes before another word, and then the celebrities would give their answers until one of them finally said what one of the contestants wrote. 

In this case, the contestants had to write down their answers to “__________ Dance.” From there, some answers that occurred to me were “Flash,” “Square,” and “Break.” 

After the contestants wrote their answers, the celebrities gave their responses.

Joel said “Break,” which neither contestant wrote.

Amy said “Flash,” which neither contestant wrote.

Lamorne said “Line,” which neither contestant wrote.

Annie said “Slow,” which Linda wrote down, giving her the win, and as Jonathan was leaving, he showed that he wrote “Square.”

After that, it was time for Super Match, and Linda had a chance to win $25,000. She then said that if she won that money, she and her husband are big fans of Eurovision Song Contest, so they would go to see it in real life. 

First up was the Audience Match, and they polled the Match Game Home Audience, and got their most popular responses to “Burning ___________.” After I saw that, all I could think of was “Man,” but I had no idea how there could be two other answers. 

The first celebrity that gave her a suggestion was Joel, who said “Man.” 

The second celebrity to give her an answer was Amy, who said “Sensation,” which I’m positive means what you think it means.

The third celebrity to give her an answer was Lamorne, who said “Flame.”

Linda chose to go with “Man” as her answer, and from there, the $2,000 third most popular answer was revealed to be “Bridges,” the $3,000 second most popular answer was revealed to be “Desire,” and the most popular answer was revealed to be “Man,” which meant that Linda had just won $5,000.

Next was the Celebrity Head To Head Match, where Linda had a chance to win $25,000. She chose to stick with Joel, who had to write his answer to “I Don’t _______.” From there, I knew that there were only two answers, “Know” and “Care,” and I knew that it was going to be 50/50 as to whether or not they would both have the same answer. While he was writing his answer, Joel said that he couldn’t say “Masturbate” on air, and he also asked if it was not “Raincoats.” 

After Joel locked in his answer, Linda gave her answer, which was “Know.” Joel then revealed that he wrote “Care,” which meant that Linda didn’t make a match, but she still won $5,000.

After the show came back from commercial, Martin made fun of Kevin yet again, asking if anyone had a question for him, before immediately answering his own question by saying absolutely no one, and then saying it’s like talking to a sweet potato.

From there, it was time to meet the two contestants. 

The first contestant we were introduced to was Sara, who is competing in Miss Universe this summer, and her platform is being an advocate for Crohn’s and colitis disease, and she also has an ostomy, which means she can live her life completely her.

The second contestant we were introduced to was Jarrod, who is a video game fanatic.

From there, it was time for the game to start with Jarrod’s first question.

The question was “Miss Piggy has been making some serious bank on OinklyFans. Who knew so many people wanted to see a pig’s __________?” Before I go any further, the second half of this question was in the first trailer for the show, so I spent a month trying to figure out how the question started, while also being worried about how it started and what the answer could have been. After hearing the whole question, my parents said “Bacon” as their answers. While the celebrities were writing their answers, Kevin asked “What is the blank,” which prompted Martin to say that the blank was when he said blank, and from there Kevin seemed to freeze up, which prompted Martin to move his hand up and down like you do when you want someone to follow it, which Kevin did, but Martin then told him not to follow his hand, and said that he was trying to “make sure that that thing hasn’t happened,” to which Kevin told him that he was trying to work here. After Kevin was the last celebrity to lock in his answer, Martin told him that he was the worst celebrity panelist in the history of game shows, not just Match Game. 

From there, Jarrod gave his answer, which was “Hooves.” 

Joel then revealed that he wrote “Tail,” which makes sense considering the question is about a pig version of OnlyFans. 

Amy then revealed that she wrote “Snout.” 

Lamorne then revealed that he also wrote “Tail.” 

Annie then revealed that she wrote “Feet,” which was accepted as a match.

Kevin then revealed that he wrote “Wiggly.” Yes, you are reading that correctly. That was his actual answer that he wrote down and locked in. If I had to guess, he was referring to a supermarket chain that is actually called Piggly Wiggly. This answer prompted Martin to ask if anyone could be less helpful in the history of the world. 

Ziwe then revealed that she wrote “Ham,” which Kevin started applauding and saying was a good answer, to which Martin responded that you shouldn’t applaud when you don’t get it correct. 

This meant that Jarrod had one point, and from there, it was time for Sara’s first question. 

The question was “They’re releasing a game called Monopoly: Hoarders Edition. Every time you pass Go, you collect 200 ___________s.” From there, my parents gave answers like “Cats,” “Magazines,” and “Newspapers.” My Uncle who was watching the show at the same time texted me his answer, which was “Thimbles.” Somehow, despite having never played regular Monopoly, I knew that was one of the game pieces. There is a reason why I am telling you this part, and you’ll soon find out. As Martin was repeating the question, Kevin asked him if he could give them a hint, to which he responded “there are no hints.” During the time when the celebrities were writing their answers, Joel said “I have not written anything down, Michael Strahan,” to which Martin responded that he was Martin Short, while Joel was also saying that he was a big fan and couldn’t believe that he was on the Giants for 16 years. 

After all the celebrities had locked in their answers, Sara gave her answer, which was “Tupperware,” which is a word that I think is too sophisticated for both the celebrities and the show, and is also a very bizarre answer, which is further supported by Martin’s reaction to the answer, as he clearly couldn’t believe what she said and was also trying not to laugh.

Martin then went up to Joel, and said that he had a feeling that he wrote “Tupperware,” to which Joel said that he was originally going to say “Glasslock,” because he likes something that can be put in the oven without the lid, and he then revealed that his actual answer was “Pets.”


Amy then revealed that she wrote “Cats.” 

Lamorne then revealed that he wrote “Figurines.” 

Right after that, Martin told Sara that she needed one to tie and two to win, and then immediately followed that up with “And ignore what I said ‘cause we’re just in Round 1. But I’m talking about later on. Let’s just say it was still 1-0 and we were at this point. Boy, would you be under pressure.” 

Annie then revealed that she took a “slightly more flammable route” and said “Old Newspapers.” 

Martin then said “Speaking of old newspapers,” and went over to Kevin. 

Kevin then revealed that he wrote “Thimbles,” which clearly confused Martin, to which Kevin explained that a thimble was one of the vehicles in Monopoly, to which all Martin could say in response was “Wow.” 

Ziwe then revealed that she wrote “$200 Million.”

This prompted Martin to say that in the history of the game, there had never been a worse collection of celebrities.

So, at the end of Round 1, Jarrod had one point and Sara had zero points.

After a commercial break, it was time for Round 2 and Jarrod’s second question, where he could match with the other five panelists. 

The question was “In celebrities in space news, Joel McHale tried to take a Blue Origin flight, but he was told the rocket wasn’t big enough to fit his ___________.” From there, I knew that the correct answer would be “Ego.” While the celebrities were writing their answers, Kevin pretended to space out again, and Martin tried to bring him back again, and when Martin told him to write something down, Kevin told him to get off his back, and when Kevin was the last celebrity to lock in and Martin called him out, Kevin responded “You never stop, do you?”

After that, all the celebrities had locked in their answers, and Jarrod gave his answer, which was “Ego.” 

Joel then revealed that he wrote down “Ego.” 

Amy then revealed that she also wrote “Ego.” 

Lamorne then revealed that he also wrote “Ego.” 

When Martin got to Kevin, Kevin asked him if Jarrod could win if he gets one more, to which Martin responded “Just give us the answer will you?”

Kevin then revealed that he wrote “Helmet.” Kevin also then asked Martin how good he was, to which Martin responded that he was charming, but he wasn’t helpful.

Ziwe then revealed that she wrote “Penis.” 

This meant that Jarrod now had four points, and Sara needed four to tie and five to win.

Her second question was “William the wine snob got fired from his job at the sperm bank. Whenever someone handed him a sample, he ______________ed it. The first answer that occurred to me was “Drank.” 

After all the celebrities had locked in their answers, Martin repeated the question one last time to get the answer… from Joel. Once he had finished, Joel just pointed in the direction of Sara, and Martin realized his mistake.

Once he repeated the question for Sara, she have her answer, which was “Drank.” When the audience started cheering in response to this answer, Joel immediately said “Think about what they’re cheering for right now,” and Martin also used this opportunity to point out that he is a Tony winner. 

Joel then revealed that he wrote “Drank.”

Amy then revealed that she wrote “Swallowed,” which was accepted as a match.

Lamorne then said that he used to work at a sperm bank, which doesn’t have water fountains or vending machines, so sometimes you get thirsty, which led to him revealing his answer of “Drank.”

Annie then said “This is why you don’t let your grandmother play Match Game,” as she revealed that she wrote “Uncorked,” saying that she didn’t want to be too offensive.

Kevin then revealed that he wrote “Dranked,” which meant the scores were all tied up, and it was all up to Ziwe. 

Ziwe then revealed that she wrote “Drank” as her answer, giving Sara the win.

After that, it was time for Super Match, and Sara had a chance to win $25,000. When asked what she would do with that kind of money, she said that she would book a trip to the Maldives with her best friends, and spend some well-deserved time in a bikini. She then said that she used to fear wearing bikinis because of her ostomy bag, and now she is just embracing who she is. 

If I may get a little personal for a bit, I think it is great that she is embracing something that she used to not want anyone to know about, because it’s part of who she is, and I’m also glad that she was comfortable enough to have the ostomy bag visible while she was on the show. While I have never had to deal with anything like this, I used to be embarrassed that I have autism, so I decided not to tell any of my friends. Recently though, I have started opening up about it with all of my friends, and I am grateful with how accepting they have all been, and I feel like I have gotten closer with them as a result.

Anyway, back to the show. 

It was then time for the Audience Match, and the Match Game Home Audience was polled for their most popular responses to “Hip _________.” Just like with “Burning ___________,” I could only think of one answer, which was “Hop,” and I totally drew a blank on other answers. Again, pun is absolutely intended. 

The first celebrity she chose was Lamorne, who said “Hop.” 

She then chose Ziwe, who said “Replacement.” 

Her third choice was Joel, who admitted that he didn’t know if it worked, and said “Ster,” meaning “Hipster.” 

The answer she chose to go with was “Hop.” 

The $2,000 third most popular answer was revealed to be “To Be Square,” which makes me wonder how old the people who were surveyed are, as I have never heard anybody say that, and the only way I have ever heard this expression is as the name of a Huey Lewis song. 

The $3,000 second most popular answer was revealed to be “Replacement.”
The most popular answer was revealed to be “Hop,” which meant that Sara had just won $5,000. 

It was then time for the Celebrity Head To Head Match, and she chose to match Lamorne, who had to write down his answer to “___________ Palace.” From there, the answers that occurred to me were “Caesars” and “Buckingham.” 

After some time had passed, Lamorne had locked in his answer and then walked off the set. 

Sara then gave her answer, which was “Caesars,” at which point Lamorne made his way back to the panel, but continued walking around on the set, which he explained was him doing kegels. 

Lamorne then revealed that he wrote “Caesars,” which meant that Sara had just won $25,000. While I always want the contestants to win as much money as possible, I was really rooting for it to happen this time more than others, as I wanted someone with health issues like her to win everything she possibly could, so I am very happy that she did.

Overall, this was another great episode of Match Game, and I’ll see you all next week with the next episode!